TRUST
With the radical changes that are happening throughout the Middle East and Africa, many of our ways of understanding “order” in the world has changed. I hope that the peaceful change that is happening in Egypt will result in a lasting democracy and will become a role model for governance throughout that part of the world.
I began thinking about how difficult it is to trust a new order. I thought I would share some of the thoughts I have had about what contributes to trust:
WHAT CONTRIBUTES TO TRUST?
Communication: which is open, honest, thorough and frequent
Congruence: Between what one says and does; this is related to
Character: one’s integrity or moral qualities
Clarity: Of roles, information, policies and practice
Consistency: Over time, in one’s behavior and adherence to core, stated values
Competence: The ability to actually do what one professes or commits to doing
Compassion: Seeking to understand the others point of view or behavior, rather than jumping to conclusions and judging
Collaboration: The opportunity to work together over time and build a base of experience and communication that affords a valid assessment of one’s trustworthiness
Caring: Because of a base of love or concern, I am committed to giving you the opportunity to earn trust and am intent upon maintaining the trust you have in me
Commitment: When we share commitment to the same goals, values, causes and/or organization(s), our sense of trust is heightened.
TRUST IS MULTIDIMENSIONAL
Two important concepts: First, trust in not a unidimensional phenomenon. By “unidimensional” I mean that for most people, a person is not simply trustworthy or not trustworthy. I may trust you to drive my car, but not to take care of my baby. I may trust that you will pay back a debt to me, but not return my phone call.
I may trust that you would not intentionally deceive me, but not trust that you are precise with information. Intention and behavior are not always consistent: sometimes people make errors or accidentally harm us. As we evaluate trust, it is important to gather data about the situation, rather than jump to conclusions that may unnecessarily close doors for us in the process.
REGAINING TRUST
This relates to the second concept: it is harder to regain trust than to keep it. Once we suspect someone may have betrayed our trust, we often maintain a suspicious eye or vigilance in observing him or her. When we do so, we more often look for evidence of further betrayal, rather than evidence of trustworthiness. This process decreases the odds that we will find reason to trust people again. How does it happen then?
FORGIVENESS
Regaining trust starts with an openness to forgive: compassion (on this side, there must be a willingness to trust). Secondly, if I feel betrayed, I must quickly raise the issue with the other party and find out if there was a misunderstanding or a true breaking of a trust. If the other person takes responsibility (accountability) for his behavior that increases the odds that he can be forgiven and trusted again (i.e. demonstrating trustworthiness). If you deny responsibility and/or discount my concerns, I am not likely to give you another chance.
Once the openness is there and the accountability acknowledged, consistency and congruency become important. If I see that you are consistently living up to our agreement and that your verbal commitment is accompanied by behavior that supports it, my trust increases. Having the opportunity to review progress assures that the trust builds. Exploring any issues or discrepancies as they arise allows the development of the necessary communication to support trust.
When I consider the sad loss of relationships, teamwork and even businesses I’ve observed, the lack of trust is very often at the bottom of it. Our personal integrity is essential to the trust others place in us. As we make decisions every hour of every day, it is important that we consider the impact our choices on our relationships and our future. When I think about developing trust in new leadership, governments and constitutions, it is even a bigger challenge.
